Reachin' out

Dear friend,

Well it's 2016! this year I'm really trying to get myself together because I need to be prepared and ready for the future. This year is going to be a big year and I know it. I pray that God gives me the courage and strength to get through this year with good memories and accomplishments.

Towards the end of last year (literally) God put D in my life. Until now I still don't know whether he's here to stay or if he's just my pass time. I don't mean pass time by just playing with his feelings or anything. As you know by now I'm not the type of girl who waits for anyone ; I will assess whether his presence in my life is necessary. If yes then I will do everything I can to keep him but if not I will not second guess my decision to just let him be and move on with my life. I know you probably think that I'm so negative when it comes to love but I just want to be practical. I really am a romantic and sweet and I would do anything and everything for the people that I love but I know what's good for me and what (who) isn't.

Honestly, this is probably the closest thing to a relationship that I've ever had. I know that God is making me wait for the right person in my life and until now I still don't know if it's D. I don't know if I should pursue him or not. I know that he's a new person in my life but I can feel his genuine love for me.

I know that he likes me but what I can't just ignore the fact that I'm too much for him. Not because I think that I'm better than him ; I don't think that at all. He always exaggerates that well I'm me. I know this may sound like a douche thing to say but in camp everyone thinks highly of me because of my background and I'm flattered that they know that I have high standards but it's to the point that they think that I'm not approachable. I really try to show him that I like him back but he really thinks highly of me that I can't even act properly because he makes it awkward.

I really do think that he would be good for me and every time that someone would ask me if I liked him I would say no but that's only because I have no idea what the heck is going on. I care about him a lot and I am so interested in getting to know him. I want to know everything that's going on in his head at night, I want to know all his secrets because I'm interested.

I have to admit that when I'm interested in someone I only do it half-heartedly because I need to look out for my feelings I can't just give me as a whole. I give myself part by part and that's what he doesn't know. I am so interested in him but he has to know I can't just be everything to someone that quick. I really pray that he messages me this week because I'm so tired of always being the first one to reach out to him. He has to know that I am here. And I am waiting.