Blast from the past

Dear Friend,

HI omg okay so I don't know if you remember A but, I got to talk to him today and I don't know why I am so excited about it and I am freaking out and my emotions are all over the place I don't even know why, I mean my emotions have been all over the place since this morning but when he messaged me I was so surprised and shocked and U G H I miss him so much I don't even know why I am so confused why my feelings just come rushing back it's so weird. I mean I've seen him so many times this year and last year and I didn't really care so why do I care now right? I am so confused I even spent like 5 days with him? I fucking ate with him, like just him. I am so confused. He called me cute like right in front of my face and I didn't really care. But now that I think back to it, I am slowly dying, I miss him so much A G H Lord help me, send help.

xx

Congrats Bitch

Dear friend,

I've realized today that I'm never going to be happy in this family, never will I laugh again nor be the same anymore because of her, she broke me. And I hope she's proud of herself. If her job was to make her only 2 kinds resent and hate her, then she's doing a wonderful job! because she's the reason I don't want to go home anymore. And I know that I'm not the only one who feels like this, I know my dad feels the same, home is no longer a happy place. Congrats bitch.

xx

Sometimes, better

Dear Friend,

I guess sometimes, typing down your feelings is better rather than telling someone about them because at least your computer screen doesn't judge right? or at least your computer screen doesn't just avoid you when you want to share or bring you down either, which is sometimes better.

Well I miss him, I miss him a lot and it hurts because it all ended so suddenly, not what i expected at all I don't want us to be the type of people who just talk like once a week and then after that it's all just gone, because I really miss him, but there's nothing I can do about it and it fucking sucks shit.

xx

Everything

Dear friend,

This is the first time that it hurts. It hurts in a way that I don't know how to deal with it. That's how much it hurts. I want to talk to him, I want to talk to him about anything at this point. I just want his presence, or whatever stupid thing we can find to talk about wether it's about your brother's weird hair or about my OCD, I just really miss it, a lot. I miss you.

I don't know why it's like a made a special connection just for you and only you and it kinda scares me how I fall too hard too fast, I really thought you were different, I prayed that you were the one who actually felt the same for me, but I guess I was wrong. There was something, and everything about you, and now you're gone.

xx

Adios

Dear Friend,

I already know. He didn't even have to say anything, but it's clear as clear can be. He doesn't have the same intentions as I did at first and I know that now and it's okay. Just because you can't understand it, doesn't mean you can't accept it. And I accept it but it just hurts because I put in so much effort and now just like that it all ends. It hurts, it hurts a lot but there's nothing I can really do about it but to accept it.

xx

U G H

Dear Friend,

I know you must be so annoyed with me right now but I just U G H  he makes me feel so U G H  sometimes I really am like all over the fact that I am talking to him but then sometimes I just want to rip his head off because I don't know he's so NR and U G H  I basically just want to fly a thousand miles to where he is right now and just tell him to just clarify things I mean just to get it over with.

xx

Everything I wish I could say to you

Dear Person who's name shall be left un-named for protective purposes, 

Hi, I just wanted to start off by saying you are a wonderful human being inside and out and I love you, all of you even your flaws I love every inch of you and I am so glad that I met you. I also wanted to say I think about you, I think about you a lot that it's hurting me. You make me smile and laugh and inconsolable at the same time. You are literally in my head all the time and this is not healthy because I don't know where your head's at. There's a part of me that wants to believe that feel the same way because you actually put in the effort to talk to me everyday and trying to get to know me but then again there's this other side of me that thinks that you probably would never like me because you basically tell me that you're not ready for anything but then again there's this one last side of me that thinks that it's funny because you like someone or you're getting over someone but it's all very confusing because I don't know what's going on with you and I never did. 

Do you like her or do you not like her because I just need an answer because I don't know what's going on in your head I am just dying to know how you feel because I am already admitting to myself that my pride over comes my feelings therefore I am never going to have the guts to ask you how you feel partially because of my pride but then again because I'm afraid of what you might say. That you're gonna say that you just see me as a friend and that my heart is gonna break into a million pieces. And I don't want it to but you're just sending me so much mixed signals I don't understand you at all I just wish you could tell me how you feel, but then again I'm too afraid to ask. 

xx

You stress me out

Dear Friend,

Okay because I am an insomniac it gives me a lot of time to think, think about well life and now that I think of it well He is adorable but he stressed the crap out of me. I mean were friends, that talk everyday and we aren't that close but we are close but then I don't know I mean I talk to him everyday even though honestly I don't know. because we talk everyday but we don't like each other or there is no interests of making this into a relationship at all. I AM SO CONFUSED because I mean if he told me he liked me, I would tell him I liked him too and then we could move on with life and try to be something but then if he doesn't want then fine but I just need to know what he wants from me like does he want to be friends, or what does he want to be because obviously you act different with the person you like and the person you are friends with right I mean if I were to be friends with him, I would tell him about my day and open up to him and be all like "OMG I saw a cute boy today" or something like that but then If he were to like me and vice versa I would tell him about my day and I would show extra care. I know it kinda sounds weird but then I just want to know because I think he is driving me crazy. He is driving me mad. I think I am going absolutely bonkers. I just want to know what will become of the two of us because if he told me he would like me then good then we could try to be something  but if we were to be friends then I don't know. I just don't know.

xx

Dear Future self

Dear future self,

As you know I am basically talking to myself but my future self but I think it's a good idea. At least it seems like a good idea right now.

Okay Kim, right now you've hit rock bottom and I need you to get the back fuck up. I know you don't want to do this for others, but then do it for God and yourself. Make God proud this year. This is your year you have to get all your shit together you have all the resources in order for you to get your shit together, use all of these resources to be the best that you can be. I know you want to serve and you will but you need to work on yourself in order for you to serve others. Be an example to others. You need to be the person everybody looks up to. Be the nicest as you can be, and the sincerest that you can be. Kim, you have this one chance to be the best that you can be please don't take this opportunity for granted. This is such a good opportunity in fact this is the best opportunity that you can possibly get. Stop being lazy, every time you feel like being lazy get the fuck up because I can see so much potential in you. I know that it may sound cray because you're well me but I know that we can do it I know we can.

xx 

A cry for help

Dear friend,

From now on I am a new version of myself, a better version and honestly this is the only time I am going to think of myself. I don't want to live for anyone but God. I am going to put my grades up, not because I want to fucking make my parents proud, because fuck that. I respect that and all it's jsut they're irrelevant. I am doing everything for God I claim that now and this year, is going to be my year, this year is the year wherein I take in all my responsibilities and knock the shit out of them, I am going to be studious not for my fucking parents but for myself and Christ. I am going to be the best fucking missionary the world has seen and the most caring out there. You just see.

xx

Of course

Dear Friend,

There are so many emotions bottling up with me right now I feel like I want to scream and shout and cry at the same time, and no I am not on my period (in case you were wondering) anyways today is the first day we haven't talked like at all. And I am totally cool with it but I also want him to message me of course because I mean I've been talking to him for a while now that I kind of expect him to message me everyday, but then again it doesn't matter because I don't like him. Or that's what I think at least. What the heck am I saying of course I like him u g h

xx

Heart break Warfare

Dear friend,

Heart-breaks what experience do I have in this? a lot more than I'd hope for. The past few heart-breaks weren't as serious and I truly do believe that I haven't had my heart broken for real, nothing serious you know and I've been grateful for that. but this heart-break is actually quite different from the past heart-breaks because I'm actually not as sad as I thought I would be well yeah i'm pretty bummed about it but it's not really a big deal anymore because I actually don't know how I feel right now it's crazy. I mean this time I hoped for a guy to like me and I was so hopeful that he would like me back, I actually thought that he already did but he likes someone else and were friends...friends that talk everyday wow I highly doubt that can even happen in these days anymore friends don't do that anymore, unless you're like super close. I'm just so fucking confused it's not even funny. I don't understand how confused I am it's weird. But I guess I'm just gonna stop talking to him or whatever God wants right? he did say that he's trying to get over her, but I don't want to wait for anyone, I want to be someone's first choice but how can he even think of me as a choice when I never told him how I felt. If only he knew right? I know I am probably making absolutely no sense right now but that's how crazy my mind is, specially when it's heartbroken.

xx

Utterly disappointed

Dear friend,

Well based on the title of this letter, I am utterly disappointed no words can express enough how utterly dismayed I am with her behaviour. It's so disappointing it's almost sickening. Despite the fact of her about to become one of the most respected heads of next year, her behaviour or shall I say attitude disgusts me. She is acting like an immature bitch. She is basically acting like a complete bitch and it isn't very good for her image and I know that isn't something you should think about but if you're a member of a prestigious and well respected organisation then your image will show your character. And your character is crucial for very big opportunities such as being a future head.

xx

Terrified

Dear friend,

The mere thought of the future scares the crap out of me. I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. Right now I don't really know what I want for myself, when people ask me what I want to be I alway say I want to become a lawyer, but I don't really know anymore. I do want to become a successful lawyer someday but I don't know. My life right now is filled with "I don't knows" and "I have no idea" right now I am just focused on getting all my shit together tis summer finish everything and just make this year count, I am going to try from the start, no more procrastination and my future relies on this year. I really am praying for it, and I hope that you pray for me as well.

xx

Obligated

Dear friend,

I know that he isn't obligated to reply to me and there are so much things that keep him from talking to me and stuff but it would still be really nice if he did reply I didn't keep my hope up or anything, but it would've been really nice if he did actually make more of an effort it hurts but it's inevitable maybe it just wasn't right for me.

xx