It is what it is

Hey there,

Honestly, talking to you made me see things so much clearer. Although as relieved as I am, I'm also hurt. I'm hurt because you let go too soon. I don't blame you though, I did too. I'm sorry I didn't follow up with you the next day, I take full responsibility for that. I must admit I was focused on other things and other people that I didn't even think about messaging you and I am filed with regret knowing that I could've done something, and yet I didn't.

In one of my camps, I think it was the camp of 2013 if I'm not mistaken, my small group leader told my group-mates and I that"The best kind of love, is the love you find here." During that time of course I didn't acknowledge it as much, although I fully believed in it. Those were the days when everyone around me had found love. My brother was with his girlfriend of 3 years, nothing stopped him from getting to her. She lived quite far from us and yet my brother always managed to surprise her and spend time with her. In all honesty, I liked her for my brother very much. Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've always wanted to find that kind of love in camp, and I still do.

The following years, I became quite busy with my committee and don't get me wrong I do not regret it at all. Although since I became quite busy, I didn't have enough time to focus on anyone new other than those who wanted to know me or already knew me. This year, I thought everything was going to be normal and then you came along. The first day of camp, we had a meeting and I thought you were cute but I was busy so I didn't think it was a big deal or anything until I found out that you liked me. I would get so excited to talk about you and to go to meetings because it gave me a chance to spend time with you but alas I failed.

Don't get me wrong, I liked you but it's not that simple. You see, I'm not the type of girl who particularly "likes" people. Whenever someone like you shows up in my life, I only give half of my heart because if it doesn't work out, then I wouldn't get hurt. I move on very quickly. Although I hope a lot. When someone comes along, I always hope that maybe it would turn out differently, but I guess it didn't and I'm fine.

Lastly, it hurts to know that you moved on so quickly but I guess that's all it's ever going to be, a temporary feeling. There are so many things I still want to know like what happened to us, or how it happened, or what would've happened if we never stopped talking? would we have worked out? I don't know.

Despite everything, I am so happy that we're so mature about the situation and that we both know that we're here for each other but not in that way. In all honesty, that is the cleanest type of closure that I've ever had with anybody...ever. I guess that's it for now I mean in the end, it is what it is right?

See ya around, bud.

xx


K