I Just can't

Dear friend,

Four days, so much can happen in such little time and I think that's crazy. Actually just a day can already change so much and that's just mind blowing. I just got home from a really nice summer camp that I love attending every year usually but the difference with this year was I was actually being the responsible one and it surprisingly went better than I expected. I mean I they were actually complimenting my skills and that's a really big deal for me because I don't know, it just feels nice to be useful. And I know that God has a plan for me, and that this is most definitely part of his plan but it just feels nice when people tell you that all your hard work payed off.

This camp, he was my partner, in everything I was with him even when I didn't need to be. It was kind of automatic that we were just always together and it felt really nice because we didn't just need each other, but we wanted each other. And it felt pretty damn good.

I just hate that there'e history between us. I mean I did use to like him, for a really long time. I liked him for years and I kind of just moved on and let go, but after this camp we kinda just, I don't know it's so hard to explain. All I know is that I can't like him, but I am pretty freaking sure that half the people in that camp, the ones who don't really know us well think that were dating, and the other half, the one who do know us think were just getting really close and is it bad that I find it so incredibly awkward when people assumer that there's something going on? I honestly don't even know anymore, but all I know is that I can't, I just can't.

xx