Dear friend,
Well I now know how real heart break feels like, real heart break is when someone you love doesn't love you back, or when someone cheated on you, real heart break is when you've worked so hard for nothing. That is real heart break.
xx
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Saturday, May 9, 2015
The way you make me feel
Dear friend,
Professional, that is the goal to be reached, to have a completely professional relationship with him. I have to admit that it's absolutely killing me because as cliché as it sounds, he was my first love, and I am still deciding if I still love him or not. I just like to be around him and I like the way he talks, and the way he walks, he kinda walks like a penguin to be honest, but I like that about him, I also like the way he gets all hyped up when he's energetic or the way he smiles when he's happy, or the fact that we have the same outlooks in life most of the time and it makes me so happy. I mean we have the same interests and were alike, but at the same time were also completely different, and the way he makes me feel kind of scares me, because I am so happy when I am around him and that scares me because me being happy scares me, it scares me a lot, but at the same time he makes me feel like I have butterflies in my stomach when I talk to him, and I apparently smile ear to ear, that's the affect he has on me, it's crazy
xx
Professional, that is the goal to be reached, to have a completely professional relationship with him. I have to admit that it's absolutely killing me because as cliché as it sounds, he was my first love, and I am still deciding if I still love him or not. I just like to be around him and I like the way he talks, and the way he walks, he kinda walks like a penguin to be honest, but I like that about him, I also like the way he gets all hyped up when he's energetic or the way he smiles when he's happy, or the fact that we have the same outlooks in life most of the time and it makes me so happy. I mean we have the same interests and were alike, but at the same time were also completely different, and the way he makes me feel kind of scares me, because I am so happy when I am around him and that scares me because me being happy scares me, it scares me a lot, but at the same time he makes me feel like I have butterflies in my stomach when I talk to him, and I apparently smile ear to ear, that's the affect he has on me, it's crazy
xx
Thinking of you
Dear friend,
I've been through hurt, pain, joy, happiness, basically everything with him and it's so weird how he manages to creep into my life all over again like he did years ago. He is like my Conrad, from the summer I turned pretty (damn it, Jenny Han and you're amazing writing skills) because no matter what he does, I am still gonna end up thinking about him and loving him and it makes me feel like absolute shit.
I really wish he didn't have this effect on me I mean how long have I wasted my time on him? I wasted years on him, and it's weird how much I care for him and I just can't believe it. This is unacceptable, now that we have to work together, I have to remain professional, because
1. You decided not to love him anymore.
2. He has a girlfriend.
3. Work relationships often don't work out, and causes tension and eventually turns into procrastination and a negative work place.
4. He doesn't need you.
5. He is happy with his girlfriend.
6. It's never going to happen.
7. He doesn't love you back, and he never will.
xx
I've been through hurt, pain, joy, happiness, basically everything with him and it's so weird how he manages to creep into my life all over again like he did years ago. He is like my Conrad, from the summer I turned pretty (damn it, Jenny Han and you're amazing writing skills) because no matter what he does, I am still gonna end up thinking about him and loving him and it makes me feel like absolute shit.
I really wish he didn't have this effect on me I mean how long have I wasted my time on him? I wasted years on him, and it's weird how much I care for him and I just can't believe it. This is unacceptable, now that we have to work together, I have to remain professional, because
1. You decided not to love him anymore.
2. He has a girlfriend.
3. Work relationships often don't work out, and causes tension and eventually turns into procrastination and a negative work place.
4. He doesn't need you.
5. He is happy with his girlfriend.
6. It's never going to happen.
7. He doesn't love you back, and he never will.
xx
Thursday, May 7, 2015
I Just can't
Dear friend,
Four days, so much can happen in such little time and I think that's crazy. Actually just a day can already change so much and that's just mind blowing. I just got home from a really nice summer camp that I love attending every year usually but the difference with this year was I was actually being the responsible one and it surprisingly went better than I expected. I mean I they were actually complimenting my skills and that's a really big deal for me because I don't know, it just feels nice to be useful. And I know that God has a plan for me, and that this is most definitely part of his plan but it just feels nice when people tell you that all your hard work payed off.
This camp, he was my partner, in everything I was with him even when I didn't need to be. It was kind of automatic that we were just always together and it felt really nice because we didn't just need each other, but we wanted each other. And it felt pretty damn good.
I just hate that there'e history between us. I mean I did use to like him, for a really long time. I liked him for years and I kind of just moved on and let go, but after this camp we kinda just, I don't know it's so hard to explain. All I know is that I can't like him, but I am pretty freaking sure that half the people in that camp, the ones who don't really know us well think that were dating, and the other half, the one who do know us think were just getting really close and is it bad that I find it so incredibly awkward when people assumer that there's something going on? I honestly don't even know anymore, but all I know is that I can't, I just can't.
xx
Four days, so much can happen in such little time and I think that's crazy. Actually just a day can already change so much and that's just mind blowing. I just got home from a really nice summer camp that I love attending every year usually but the difference with this year was I was actually being the responsible one and it surprisingly went better than I expected. I mean I they were actually complimenting my skills and that's a really big deal for me because I don't know, it just feels nice to be useful. And I know that God has a plan for me, and that this is most definitely part of his plan but it just feels nice when people tell you that all your hard work payed off.
This camp, he was my partner, in everything I was with him even when I didn't need to be. It was kind of automatic that we were just always together and it felt really nice because we didn't just need each other, but we wanted each other. And it felt pretty damn good.
I just hate that there'e history between us. I mean I did use to like him, for a really long time. I liked him for years and I kind of just moved on and let go, but after this camp we kinda just, I don't know it's so hard to explain. All I know is that I can't like him, but I am pretty freaking sure that half the people in that camp, the ones who don't really know us well think that were dating, and the other half, the one who do know us think were just getting really close and is it bad that I find it so incredibly awkward when people assumer that there's something going on? I honestly don't even know anymore, but all I know is that I can't, I just can't.
xx
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