Dear friend,
Well I was supposed to be gone for a week and I don't know I had a sudden homewards bound trip but I'll be back tomorrow as soon as I can. And I told myself that I would try to resist him and not talk to him but I can't it's like he's in my head 24/7 it's weird and crazy and I hate it but I love it at the same time but it's crazy because I am literally surrounded by extremely blessed people as of the moment, but all I can think about is him and it's weird because there's a voice in my head that always says "it's okay, you have him" and it's crazy and weird because I still doubt everything I just want to have a serious talk with him and just clear things up because I just want to ask him"do you like me, or not if no, then stop talking to me, because I don't need you to fuck with my feelings any longer, but if you do happen to like me, then good because I may be in love with you.
xx
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Maybe, it's just not meant to be
Dear friend,
Despite going completely mad, I have now come to the conclusion that maybe it just isn't mean to be. I know yo probably expected me to be sad or completely weeped but actually I'm not I'm surprisingly okay with it because I don't know I've fully accepted it and I am okay with it. I just want him to know what he's missing though like he is missing a lot, but there's nothing we can really do about that because it's not what's meant to be.
xx
Despite going completely mad, I have now come to the conclusion that maybe it just isn't mean to be. I know yo probably expected me to be sad or completely weeped but actually I'm not I'm surprisingly okay with it because I don't know I've fully accepted it and I am okay with it. I just want him to know what he's missing though like he is missing a lot, but there's nothing we can really do about that because it's not what's meant to be.
xx
First of all
Dear friend,
Okay first of all, if you really wanted to talk to me then you would've done found a way to message me and not just fucking U G H I'm so mad at you right now, but then at the same fucking time, you're making me sad as fuck because I like you, I actually really like you I can't fucking believe i'm saying this...but yeah you know what I mean U GH i just hate how you make me feel like I love you and then make me feel like I fucking hate you. Honestly, you are driving me completely bonkers! And I thought it was supposed to be vice versa.. u g h what I would do to know what you were thinking right now.
xx
Okay first of all, if you really wanted to talk to me then you would've done found a way to message me and not just fucking U G H I'm so mad at you right now, but then at the same fucking time, you're making me sad as fuck because I like you, I actually really like you I can't fucking believe i'm saying this...but yeah you know what I mean U GH i just hate how you make me feel like I love you and then make me feel like I fucking hate you. Honestly, you are driving me completely bonkers! And I thought it was supposed to be vice versa.. u g h what I would do to know what you were thinking right now.
xx
Saturday, March 28, 2015
2 voices in my head
Dear friend,
Is it even possible how you can care so much about a person in so little time I mean I care about him so much that it's weird and what's even weirder is that I know the things he likes and the things he hates and I constantly find the need to talk to him, but were not the kind of people who talk like "Oh, did you eat already" constantly or anything although I do ask him that sometimes, but you know what I mean, it's not the sweet kind of talk all the time but it also is. I just don't understand what is happening anymore I am honestly so confused, there are two voices in my head, one is saying "You just have to not over think it and just live in the moment, and that I should just talk to him and see what happens" and then there's another voice in my head saying "Aw he likes you and you like him, so what are you waiting for just tell him" and I don't even know what to do, if he was confused before, and is still confused right now, then i'm like 84759873 times even more confused.
xx
Is it even possible how you can care so much about a person in so little time I mean I care about him so much that it's weird and what's even weirder is that I know the things he likes and the things he hates and I constantly find the need to talk to him, but were not the kind of people who talk like "Oh, did you eat already" constantly or anything although I do ask him that sometimes, but you know what I mean, it's not the sweet kind of talk all the time but it also is. I just don't understand what is happening anymore I am honestly so confused, there are two voices in my head, one is saying "You just have to not over think it and just live in the moment, and that I should just talk to him and see what happens" and then there's another voice in my head saying "Aw he likes you and you like him, so what are you waiting for just tell him" and I don't even know what to do, if he was confused before, and is still confused right now, then i'm like 84759873 times even more confused.
xx
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Stop Fucking with my feelings
Dear friend,
Well I am utterly confused but I would really like it if he just stopped fucking with my feelings I mean stop with the mixed signals, I thought that were never going to talk about it ever but here you are fucking with my feelings asking me how I am or asking me what I'm doing for this summer I can't take it unless were on the same page, which I don't really know because I don't even know what page I'm on! see you being confused is confusing me. I just wish you would stop fucking with my feelings but i don't even know if I'm fucking with you're feelings also. I don't even know anymore
xx
Well I am utterly confused but I would really like it if he just stopped fucking with my feelings I mean stop with the mixed signals, I thought that were never going to talk about it ever but here you are fucking with my feelings asking me how I am or asking me what I'm doing for this summer I can't take it unless were on the same page, which I don't really know because I don't even know what page I'm on! see you being confused is confusing me. I just wish you would stop fucking with my feelings but i don't even know if I'm fucking with you're feelings also. I don't even know anymore
xx
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
To all the boys out there
Dear Friend,
Well I love how girls have different shapes and sizes and are all different in beauty and in self-confidence as well. And there I understand why boys like her so much and why boys don't like me well it's not that I'm ugly or anything (because in order for you to love others, you must love yourself first) but she's usually the one who gets noticed first and I am totally okay with it because for as long as I've known her, it's always been her that boys drawl all over and I'm super okay with that. Although it makes me really happy to know that people actually find me beautiful I men no comparison or anything but first people actually choose me and that is was a lot and that the one person who I wanted to choose me, choose me and it makes me extremely happy, ahh so to all the boys out there, please be careful because your words, have a big affect on girls it really does mean a lot to us, so please be careful
xx
Well I love how girls have different shapes and sizes and are all different in beauty and in self-confidence as well. And there I understand why boys like her so much and why boys don't like me well it's not that I'm ugly or anything (because in order for you to love others, you must love yourself first) but she's usually the one who gets noticed first and I am totally okay with it because for as long as I've known her, it's always been her that boys drawl all over and I'm super okay with that. Although it makes me really happy to know that people actually find me beautiful I men no comparison or anything but first people actually choose me and that is was a lot and that the one person who I wanted to choose me, choose me and it makes me extremely happy, ahh so to all the boys out there, please be careful because your words, have a big affect on girls it really does mean a lot to us, so please be careful
xx
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Roads
Dear friend,
Well I know you probably think I'm mad but I really like him I actually do and I've been asking around and he is the gentleman he shows me and I really like him he's a pretty solid guy he's so ideal he had all the things I want in someone, he's handsome I mean come on, he's a gentleman I mean do you know how hard it is to find someone actually descent in this horrid place? it's beyond exhausting and at times it seems almost impossible but then I found him and looking back, I regret everything, because I was so stuck in my small little group of friends that aren't worth shit, no offence that I didn't get to notice people like him, he is probably the most under-rated guy I have ever met I mean people don't give him enough credit. He is handsome, he is a football player, he is smart, extremely nice and he is a gentleman what else could I ask for right?
Well I know you probably think I'm mad but I really like him I actually do and I've been asking around and he is the gentleman he shows me and I really like him he's a pretty solid guy he's so ideal he had all the things I want in someone, he's handsome I mean come on, he's a gentleman I mean do you know how hard it is to find someone actually descent in this horrid place? it's beyond exhausting and at times it seems almost impossible but then I found him and looking back, I regret everything, because I was so stuck in my small little group of friends that aren't worth shit, no offence that I didn't get to notice people like him, he is probably the most under-rated guy I have ever met I mean people don't give him enough credit. He is handsome, he is a football player, he is smart, extremely nice and he is a gentleman what else could I ask for right?
You useless piece of absolute fuckery
Dear friend,
Well I love everyone that's for sure but I'm absolutely glad that you are getting all the bullshit you're getting because you're such a bitch and you deserve everything that you're getting ahh I love to sit and watch people like you go absolutely bonkers because you're finally getting all the shit you should've gotten a long time ago.
xx
Well I love everyone that's for sure but I'm absolutely glad that you are getting all the bullshit you're getting because you're such a bitch and you deserve everything that you're getting ahh I love to sit and watch people like you go absolutely bonkers because you're finally getting all the shit you should've gotten a long time ago.
xx
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Tired...exhausted
Dear friend,
Well today I did some of the things I didn't know I would do and I kinda like it, actually I really like it and I like it a lot I mean it's not a big deal or anything like drugs or anything I guess it was just fun you know to do things you're not really used to and I like it. It's a good change.
A lot of people would say that it's a bad ting to hang out with people like that but I like it they make me fell well....alive I mean I'm just so tired of being a good girl all the time, I mean I'm so tired of being the good girl in the group all the time I mean I'm not necessarily saying that I want to be such a cool girl doing drugs and like going to all the cool kid parties and shit I'm just saying I want to be normal but then I also don't want to because it's going to feel super good in heaven when I'm there but like I don't know, I just want to live like to the fullest and not be such a prude all the time it's bullocks.
Well today I did some of the things I didn't know I would do and I kinda like it, actually I really like it and I like it a lot I mean it's not a big deal or anything like drugs or anything I guess it was just fun you know to do things you're not really used to and I like it. It's a good change.
A lot of people would say that it's a bad ting to hang out with people like that but I like it they make me fell well....alive I mean I'm just so tired of being a good girl all the time, I mean I'm so tired of being the good girl in the group all the time I mean I'm not necessarily saying that I want to be such a cool girl doing drugs and like going to all the cool kid parties and shit I'm just saying I want to be normal but then I also don't want to because it's going to feel super good in heaven when I'm there but like I don't know, I just want to live like to the fullest and not be such a prude all the time it's bullocks.
Friday, March 13, 2015
understanding
Dear friend,
Well it's so hard for me to figure out why people do things that they're probably going to end up regretting in the near by future. And one of the things I also don't understand is why people are such in a hurry to grow up, I mean one day, they're going to look up and realise that being a grown up isn't as good as they thought it would be. And one of the very few things that I also wonder about is why people are such social climbers, I mean I don't understand the need to be popular so much, It doesn't make any sense to me at all because it's pointless. Yes I do want to have fun and live my high school life, but I want to live my high school life and not regret anything, for all I know she'll be pregnant already. by this time, you've probably realised that yes I am talking about someone because I mean she's jus trying too hard to fit in with everyone. and I don't like who she's becoming it saddens me.
Well it's so hard for me to figure out why people do things that they're probably going to end up regretting in the near by future. And one of the things I also don't understand is why people are such in a hurry to grow up, I mean one day, they're going to look up and realise that being a grown up isn't as good as they thought it would be. And one of the very few things that I also wonder about is why people are such social climbers, I mean I don't understand the need to be popular so much, It doesn't make any sense to me at all because it's pointless. Yes I do want to have fun and live my high school life, but I want to live my high school life and not regret anything, for all I know she'll be pregnant already. by this time, you've probably realised that yes I am talking about someone because I mean she's jus trying too hard to fit in with everyone. and I don't like who she's becoming it saddens me.
Monday, March 9, 2015
Dazed and Confused
Dear friend,
Well, the first thing I would like to ask you is what exactly are we doing here? I mean were here to study and have good futures I get that, but its the in between that scares me. Relationships, studies, friendship, extra curricular? I mean it all drives you completely bonkers at some point. I mean look at me for example, I am probably in love with someone who has a girlfriend, and I still skim through the facebook and other social media sites of the person who used to be completely in love with me, whom I never loved back but I never understood why. I mean he is a great guy in general, he is musically inclined, I mean he is not bad, but I guess I always look for the best and I'm sorry but I just don't see it in him. I mean why can't I just like someone who already likes me? I mean it's not hard right? my goodness it's not that hard so why does it seem impossible for me to like him back? and why is it so easy for me to fall in love with someone who, yes, cares about me but will never ever look at me the same way I look at him?
There are so much things in my life that I can't explain, like the fact that I am my brother's problem, and he is mine, but we all seem to be fine with it. Or the fact that I don't know what I'm supposed to do half of the time, or what's going to happen next, but I guess that's what's good with being a person my age, I get to be confused and I get to overthink, because in the end, we're all just Dazed and Confused.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Just say it already!
Dear friend,
Well most recently, well right now actually, I am watching a movie called "Two weeks notice" and it stars Hugh Grant, whom I absolutely love, and Sandra Bullock who I adore. And watching movies for me isn't a surprise at all, I mean I am in love with movies I love and adore movies but I'm just so mad because as the story goes Sandra Bullock and Hugh grant are sort of in love with each other but they just don't wan to say anything and I hate situations like these because I mean if you guys are completely in love with someone else, just tell them or else you're going to fucking lose them to some other ratchet hoe.
I'm sorry friend, please mind the language, I guess I'm just mad not only because of the movie, but the mere situation I mean personally, I know how hard it is to tell people how you fell but then if it's so very clearly obvious that you two have feelings for each other then why not right? I just hate how people have to wait so long to tell other people that you love them I mean Just say it already!
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